• Sarah Yoo

How to ask your partner to change their behavior with ease





Don't judge their character - instead, share your observations about their actions.


"You are lazy"

VS

"You didn't clean up your own dishes 5 mornings last week."


"You are always late"

VS

"You were at least 10 minutes late to the last 3 plans we had together."


The first sentences are unfair judgments about their character and truth be told, they are USELESS because;

  • they add a negative energy of blame to the conversation

  • it often leads people to either defend themselves or shut down from an open discussion.

  • they often involve vague words, making it unclear and confusing to the person receiving them

A better way is to use compassionate and open communication to reach a win-win situation for all - kind of like a negotiation.


Here are the 4 steps of a Compassionate & Open communication:

1. Share your observations, with NO judgments.

2. Share your emotion about the situation.

3. Request with an explanation.

4. Offer your help.


For example:

  1. You didn't clean up your dishes 5 mornings last week. (Observation)

  2. I was frustrated to clean the used dishes because it delayed my morning. (Your emotion about the situation, NOT the person.)