No one can ever make you FEEL anything - take responsibility of your own emotions.
I used to blame everyone for my negative emotions. I blamed my boyfriends for making me feel disappointed.
My mum, for making me feel frustrated.
That crazy driver on the road for making me feel angry.
Back then, it was an unconscious strategy to AVOID dealing with the negativity. What I didn't realize though is that by blaming other people, I suffered more because the negative emotions lasted LONGER. Things changed for me when I became aware of 2 things:
1. Remember that we are CHOOSING our emotion in every moment, no matter the external situation.
This means we have the power to take control of any situation and choose to feel something else.
Things never happen to us, things are always happening in ways that we were meant to experience them.
And sometimes? We experience things just so that we learn to not let it impact us.
Just so that we can practice our awareness, learn to separate our emotions from theirs and simply let it go.
If you are wondering,
"But HOW do I let it go? Sometimes things that are said directed right at me and it's about me!"
2. What anyone is feeling and saying is ALWAYS about them, NOT you. Even if it's directed at you.
They are simply projecting their inner turmoil onto you in hopes to avoid dealing with it themselves.
AND here is the most important thing - they don't realize that they are doing it. It is an automatic response that they have learned in their life to deal with the internal discomfort.
Their mind does not want to deal with it because it means that it has to admit some kind of fault about themselves.
So, it does what it knows how to do best - "put it somewhere else, anywhere but in me so that I don't have to deal with anything."
These 2 things alone will free you from so much unnecessary suffering and guess what, you'll start having genuine compassion for other people.
Let me give you a example that I JUST experienced:
I'm currently in an AirBnb where I'm living with.... rather particular owners.
There hasn't been a day where they haven't told me to adapt to their rules:
"don't walk on this part of the grass.
have you turned off the AC? (multiple times....)
don't leave that packet of rice (it was uncooked...) in the room because ants will come in...."
You get the idea.
Every day, I've been feeling uncomfortable and frustrated because I feel like I have to tiptoe around in a place that I've paid for.
At first, I wanted to blame them.
But I realized that I'm CHOOSING to feel this and that their words of distrust isn't about me -it's that they have inner trust issues that they are struggling with which is being projected onto me without them realizing.
And that is not my weight to carry.
And since they don't realize what they are doing, how could I be angry at them?
Would you be angry at a 3 year old for doing something 'bad'?
This alone, dissipated the negative energy that I was holding onto. It also helped me to open my hearts up to them - they are trying their best with their best intentions.
You don't have to become the emotion that other people are experiencing.
It's not yours to carry. You can express compassion for them WHILE being protective of your own energy.
As always, I'd love to know your thoughts.
What was your biggest takeaway? Can you relate?