• Sarah Yoo

Stuck in Self-Criticism? It Could Be From Your Childhood

One night, I went to a party with some friends.

While we didn’t make any immediate connections, we decided to stick around.

Until one of our friends wanted to leave.

Later she shared that she "just wasn’t feeling it”.

She met new people, but was feeling uncomfortable.

With a little probing, she continued,

"I feel like people don't want to talk to me. Maybe I'm too awkward or not interesting enough. I can tell YOU guys are having a great time, but I’m not sure if this is for me."

Ah, and now her Toxic Shame disguised as self-criticism makes its appearance.

It was from this point that I began noticing her struggles around big social settings. Her discomfort would quietly surface that would soon follow with an early departure again.

Why did she take this so personally?

Why did she get stuck assuming that she was the problem?

We can’t excuse it as another case of social incompatibility or a lack of self-esteem.

Isn’t it interesting how two people go through the same exact experience yet interpret things vastly differently? Why do one set of people glide over problems while others take a dark U-turn into self-beating toxicity?

A major source of this self-criticism stems from our childhood, as Toxic Shame becomes a part of our fundamental belief system.

Let me explain.